The OFFICIAL and ORIGINAL Site of the Splendiferous Pokey!

What is "The Splendiferous Pokey"? Why, he or she (Can't really tell...) is THE most #1 huggable and loveable cactus full of ants and fire, of course!!! If you've never heard of Pokey, that's because the truth is being supressed by Big Consumer Entertainment. Pokey is a symbol of the revolution.


Lounge | Shed

Deepest Mysteries Revealed

Because I saw a cactus full of ants and fire and I wanted to give it a big hug, and spread the gospel of the Cactus full of Ants and Fire (pbuh), and eradicate the appreciation of anything that isn't a cactus full of ants and fire. Soon the world will know my wrath. Pokey the Cactus will destroy the nonbelievers, and usher in a Golden Age of Hugging and Songs and Dance and Dabbing.

Pokey sucks
YOU suck.

What for
because back in middle school, Becky and me used to be hella tight, but then she plagiarized my anime x pony fanfiction, so I burned her lego house down. also I may or may not have mailed a dead skunk to her house. Also when Becky reads my website and later when I have a big heap of plush toys and action figures and video games and books and movies made for the Splendiforous Pokey franchise, she'll commit self die in lego.

Becky is immortal
not as immortal as MY RAGE AND VENGEANCE

Why don't you have a ton of toys and vidya and movies and comic books and genetically modified cacti with symbiotic ants and fire
Because Becky paid the mafia to conspire to destroy my life. If Becky was drowned several years ago, I'd at least be living in Hollywood. I managed to start a few projects, but my artists, voice actors, and cowriters kept criticizing me and making suggestions, and apparently they don't take death threats very well.

What will you do when you own the world's biggest media franchise
Make the name "Becky" illegal. Also force all the anime fans to wear little blue squares on their jackets at all times. And probably use my wealth to construct enormous propane ovens to store anime fans in.

Why do you hate anime fans, when you said you wrote anime x pony fanfiction
Because Becky used her mind-control reptilian powers on me and drank my blood irl.

Becky is awesome
Please like and subscribe.
*laces your beverage with antifreeze when you're not looking*

Are you intending to show this to children?
Yeah, you got a problem with that? What, you some kind of weeb reptilian?

As a Concerned Parent of a Toddler, I have reservations about sketchy indie media that heavily involve bondage, whipping, duct tape, people not being allowed to visit the restroom, people being waterboarded, several pages of death threats railing against some poor teenage girl...
Wait, you're a parent of a toddler?? Are you interested in paying me $10 for a DVD, or $40 for a picture book, containing wholesome tales of love and hugging and smart people stuff?
[the DVD is full of disturbing low-effort machinima depicting thinly veiled fetish and revenge fantasies, heavy themes of pedophilia, disturbing amounts of wrath directed at anime fans, horrendous audio mixing, and the songs induce hearing loss and insanity. The "book" is full of terrifying art and riddled with atrocious spelling and grammar, and nothing remotely "educational" is present in the medias.]

Wasn't there a whole heap of negative reviews of your shoddy products, which you keep using sockpuppets and paid-for "likes" to promote?
It was a system error. Sooo, are you subscribed to me? Wanna buy a book, DVD, plush toy?

What did Becky ever do
*proceeds to cyclically rant vaguely for several paragraphs, without ever giving a clear answer*

Why does your hired staff have such a high turnover rate?
Becky's fault. You subscribed? Wanna buy a disk? Book? Toy?

You literally took several well-known pieces of literature and very poorly wordfiltered them and edited them into bizarre fantasy characters, and consistently injected a 6 year old girl character who hangs out with unwashed middle-aged heroin junkies.
Shut up, Becky. Your stories suck. They don't have hugs and crying in them.

I'm pretty sure that cactus thing is taken from anime. Why do you hate anime fans so much, when you practically worship an anime character?
Because they're all Beckies and reptilians, and they don't understand my genius. Pokey is TOO GOOD for the likes of them, so I bravely rescued Pokey and he or she will never ever ever ever suffer at their evil and grimy and unappreciative, dirty pleb hands EVER AGAIN. Pokey is now safe and sound with me forever, and we're going to take over the world and make anime appreciation illegal, and enforce mandatory hugging.
*proceeds to write many books about BDSM and humiliation, centered on Pokey*

Hello, I am honorable and honest representative of Major Media Production Company :) I think your Prockey is Very Cute, and Good Movie. I can get you a special deal, but first I will need 1,000 USD to invest to make the Prockey Movie and Game.
Finally my dreams have come true at long last! Don't worry my good sir, I'll join an MLM and make lots of money and hound and harass everyone I see, to buy MLM crap in addition to my fantastic and quality Pokey Media.
You are very pretty and have big knockers, kiss kiss. Marry me.
Sorry pal, I'm not racist or anything. I just want the movie, not marriage. Besides, my heart belongs to Pokey, sorry bud.
I will commit seppuku if you don't marry me, because you are so beautiful you are of my dreams :'(
Movies only, no marriage.
My mom is dying and I need more money :'(
Welllll, what Pokey would do is make me give you money, sooooo okay. But now I have to join ANOTHER MLM, siiiighhhh...

Wow this is some genius, subersive outsider art. I'm going to tell all my friends how amazing and incredible your avant garde visions are. They'll surely get a kick out of "Pokey goes to the store and ends up getting breast implants in public".
Cool, are they subscribed? Can you get them to subscribe? And buy Pokey media, and knives, and candles, and oils, and... See, I'm trying to get a movie made, but that representative seems more interested in marrying me than making my movie, haha.

Last updated: August 2021