I am totally awesome and unique, my mom says I'm smart and pretty. Guys can't get enough of me, and all the hot single ladies in my area are ripping each other to shreds for the opportunity to get close to me. But because I'm so incredibly awesome, I have to hide away my genius in my dingy apartment, because the world fears my incredible genius. As demonstrated in those movies, where the pure and innocent hero has a superpower and is really awesome and special, but everyone else is afraid of them and makes fun of them. Man, movies kinda hit so close to home sometimes.
Anyway, I don't believe in water. like, at all. I'm certain water is a scam and doesn't exist, that's why I never bathe and only drink soda. But I decided to get healthy, so now I drink diet soda. I stopped eating most desserts. But I have a varied diet, like I eat pizza, hot dogs, hamburgers... French fries and ketchup are vegetables lol.
So, I am deeply madly in love with Pokey the Cactus, no one else can have him or her. I'll murder you if you get too close. If you somehow get past my several layers of defenses, and incapacitate my loyal yappy dog, who will surely tear you to shreds.
So there's this STUPID BITCH, her name is Becky, and the reason I want to make Pokey a world-famous success and the topmost icon of children's educational entertainment, is because Becky tried to rob me blind at gunpoint, and leave me dirty, poor, and without anime x pony fanfics. Fortunately I outwitted her, and essentially nuked her life by doxing her to that weird group of urban terrorists. All people have a purpose! And urban terrorists exist so that we can throw our enemies to them!
But alas, there's more to life than having it ripped to shreds by someone you thought was your friend. The anime fandom are such a bunch of stupid jerks, so when I'm not trying to make Becky off herself by being a big success, I enjoy riling up the anime fandom by saying nasty stuff about them. The more bad words I say, the more they suffer. I've always been good at math and logic! That's why I didn't need to finish school, 8th grade was good enough for me.
Anyway, so uhhh, I'm trying to make like, a whole multimedia empire primarily aimed at preschoolers. But dreams grow kinda slowly, ya know? So uhh, I have these premium knives, oils, candles, spices, food storage containers, bead kits... You interested in any of them? Also are you subscribed to my channel? Please like, comment, and subscribe. But don't say anything bad, because only anime fans say bad things about me. All lies. Also I suspect a few are aligned with Becky. Also I have these DVDs and Books for sale. You gotta read to your children. That's how they get smart. They get smart by being exposed to Pokey!
I took some online quizzes to learn about myself, and I'm definitely a purple-haired gold-eyed dragonkin souled paladin. Also I'm pretty sure I'm descended from royalty. That's why Pokey thinks I'm so awesome and praises me all the time. I'm way better than all those other dirty plebs, out there wasting their times at jobs and families. The only thing families are good for, is giving me money and taking out my trash and cleaning up my dog crap, and providing my audience. I have a goal of exposing at least 50 children to the joys of sneezing each month.
Also please please please donate to my internet panhandling things, thanks.
Last updated: August 2021